i ' v e f o u n d Y O U.

Tuesday 24 March 2009

9:07 pm

oh, sweetheart, if there were just one thing i could speak directly into your heart, it'd be this: your Dad's the King of the universe, and he's going to pull some strings. he's going to pull strings, because some things just don't change.

Thursday 19 March 2009

6:13 pm

due to the truly appalling nature and character of a significant number males i've had the misfortune of coming into contact with in my existence on this planet, i have drawn the conclusion, that if it were not morally outrageous... i'd probably be a lesbian.

especially for the likes of christina aguilera... elisha cuthbert. ashley tisdale.

or at least just people who look like them.

ah well.

Monday 16 March 2009

8:48 pm

you're not supposed to be up here

in my mind

in my heart

in my soul

in my gut

stay low, treacherous snake

beautiful treachery

you sent for me

once i was free, i remember, once

free from shackles

unbound, unstuck

free from the toxic web

of your bewitching clutch

now i glance around and hear

my own heart's sizzling with tortured fear

increasingly, it emphasizes what is clear

you're not supposed to be up here.

Sunday 15 March 2009

9:11 pm

vaporization. doesn't seem like a terrible idea.

and thanks, but i'll think however the hell i wanna think.

Wednesday 11 March 2009

9:10 pm

random hot air balloons floating around :)

last night... was literally one of the worst nights of my life, not even to be exaggerative.

i'd never felt so isolated, so alone, and so.. left behind. i fell asleep at around 10pm after over an hour of sobbing my eyes sore, and writing God a letter:

"dear God

i know i just told you you're a liar. and that you don't really love me. so here's a question: if i told you i hate you, would you still love me? how "unconditional" is this love you profess to have? what if i wanted to hurt myself in hopes that that would hurt you? what if i wanted to drown everything and make myself bleed and throw up, just to make your heart hurt? because i feel like doing just that right now. you said you'd come through for me and i believed you, and all that's done for me is made me look like a complete and utter idiot. where the heck are you?! what the hell are you doing?! let's test this love, now. love me? prove it. prove it. don't, and you'd be a liar, and who knows what else you'd have lied about? who the heck are you, anyway?! why are you letting me hurt when you're so capable of taking the pain all away? so the hell what if you're "able"?! my God is able. sure he is. sure you are. but what's the point of you being "ABLE", "CAPABLE", "ALMIGHTY", if you don't do one flipping thing about anything?!

whatever.

the gist is this: i don't know who you are

i don't know what to believe

i don't know what to do

so if you love me as much as i've heard that you do... PROVE IT.

and just so you know: the more deeply a heart loves (loved), the more bitter it becomes when reality floods in and it's left alone to freaking bleed.

Joey."

i went to sleep mouthing the words "prove it", over and over.

7am alarm rings. i hit snooze button, but not before glancing out of my window to see an awesomely, awesomely breathtaking sunrise framed perfectly by my window frames. i chuckle and say, "prove it moreee"

7.30am alarm rings again. snooze again.

7.50am alarm rings again. open eyes. look out of window, am shocked to see 5 random hot air balloons floating randomly outside window. laugh at the bizarre-ness of the sight.

7.51am look at phone. 6 new messages. wth. hey, people know i exist!

anyway. i proceed to spend an extremely beautiful morning sitting outside a cafe sipping on iced coffee and doing my creative writing readings... then reading my bible.

Ephesians 3:16-20, arguably the most beautiful verses i've set my eyes upon.

wrote this in my journal:

"i am beginning to be increasingly convinced of your hatred of falsehood. true relationship is hindered, it seems, by the lack of real-ness, if there's such a word. it is hindered by pretense: pretending things are okay when they're really not

pretending anger isn't there when it is

trying to sweep everything under the carpet in hopes that it'd just magically go away.

maybe it's wishful thinking on my part, but i think, God, that you might've appreciated me being so brutally honest with you last night. it's possible, no? even probable, really.

action without heart.

heart without action.

the two always have to go together; each is insufficient without the other."

don't know what my point is. blah. anyway.

thanks to matz for being there. <3

Sunday 8 March 2009

4:18 am

MOOMBA WATERFEST TODAY! :D

RUBIDOO CAME OVER (and is asleep on my couch as i type), SO WAS VERY HAPPYYYY :D

anywaay. yes. anywayy. will not lie; am posting this pic cuz... i think i look pretty. veryyy pretty. HEHEH. disagree all you waaant, each entitled to own opinion, no? :) bad english, whatever.

spent like 3 hours scribbling stuff in my diary after reading like half a chapter of Isaiah.

revelation, revelation indeed.

anyway, on a whole other different note, i figure... i should stop being such a freak.

go awaayyy, disgusting thoughts/feelings/erm, things.

wish i could go to church in the morning... as in, like COSB.

go around hugging people and smacking boobs *cough cough* and stuff.

but nooo i cannttt. i have to go to a new place where i wont know anybody, and smile and hope i dont come off too strongly as a.. well, as a freak. HA HA. joy.

wishhh personn wouldd gett aa callingg cardd alreadyy.

lovee mee rightt. thenn! thenn???

heheheh <3

Monday 2 March 2009

11:14 pm

Loving this quote from Smith Wigglesworth:

"There is power in God’s Word to make that which does not exist appear.”

totally unrelated: I SO COOKED TODAY! :D

followed aunty esther's recipe of how to make aglio olio. :D

someday i am gonna make someone the luckiest guy on the planet, when i marry him, because clearly i have the wholeee packagee. so i'm drop-dead gorgeous, i'm nice and awesome and all that, AND I CAN COOK! HA HA HA. only kidding. am not really a narcissist.

only awesome people can cook and camwhore at the same time :)

end result. OOOHHHH SOMETHING LOOKS YUMMYY..... :D

Sunday 1 March 2009

11:42 pm

liz says it's important that i put this on my blog. :)

:JOEY:: says: (11:05:54 PM)

"WE'RE GONNA START A FIGHT!"

::JOEY:: says: (11:06:07 PM)

me and J. :))

::JOEY:: says: (11:06:10 PM)

you can come too if you wanna.

elizabeth; says: (11:06:16 PM)

fight the world?

elizabeth; says: (11:06:18 PM)

injustice?

elizabeth; says: (11:06:21 PM)

proverty?

::JOEY:: says: (11:06:24 PM)

not the world.

::JOEY:: says: (11:06:36 PM)

and not proverty since that is not a word, you genius speller. :))

::JOEY:: says: (11:06:48 PM)

but yeah, injustice. didja read my blog?

::JOEY:: says: (11:06:54 PM)

bout the flowers and all that

elizabeth; says: (11:06:54 PM)

poverty

elizabeth; says: (11:06:55 PM)

hahah

elizabeth; says: (11:06:57 PM)

yes

::JOEY:: says: (11:07:13 PM)

at the last part, i said smth like.. on the bus i had alot of time to think but i didnt, right?

elizabeth; says: (11:07:17 PM)

yea

::JOEY:: says: (11:07:24 PM)

i didnt elaborate

::JOEY:: says: (11:07:32 PM)

but i wasnt thinking because i was listening

::JOEY:: says: (11:07:36 PM)

he kept talking.

::JOEY:: says: (11:07:39 PM)

how cool is that.

elizabeth; says: (11:07:46 PM)

cool

elizabeth; says: (11:07:49 PM)

wad he talked abt?

::JOEY:: says: (11:08:01 PM)

ok so the place we were was some.. like the country side luh

::JOEY:: says: (11:08:18 PM)

like realllyyyyy far away from the city

::JOEY:: says: (11:08:25 PM)

so its like, got agriculture and stuffff

::JOEY:: says: (11:08:38 PM)

and i was listening to the Power of Your Name on my ipod nonstop

::JOEY:: says: (11:09:30 PM)

anw. theres a line in the song that goes "and i will give with the life that i've been given, and go beyond religion, to see this world be changed by the power of your name"

::JOEY:: says: (11:10:10 PM)

and POSSIBLY, it was just the emotional part of me acting up, or it couldve been God. in any case... things started rising up in me luh.

::JOEY:: says: (11:10:39 PM)

and as i looked out the window i was pretty much zoning out, admiring the sky and saying "pretty sky, Daddy", or "pretty flowers, Daddy"

::JOEY:: says: (11:10:50 PM)

then after awhile i started noticing the agriculture. the crops, and all.

::JOEY:: says: (11:11:14 PM)

and (I THINK) J began to speak, and say... the harvest is ready, jo, but the workers are few.

::JOEY:: says: (11:11:23 PM)

the harvest is plentiful, jo, but the workers are so few.

::JOEY:: says: (11:11:59 PM)

and right then, the bus started passing by rows and rows and rows of the greenest, most healthy-looking vegetables and stuff

::JOEY:: says: (11:12:39 PM)

"the workers are few, the workers are so few", and the crops, lined up in straight rows, just stretched out, sooooo much crop

::JOEY:: says: (11:13:10 PM)

so i asked him, "so whats gonna happen? what do you want ME to do about it??"

::JOEY:: says: (11:13:22 PM)

and the bus started passing by barren soil

::JOEY:: says: (11:13:42 PM)

i'm not kidding. right at that moment, like J was showing me a slideshow or smth.

elizabeth; says: (11:13:56 PM)

(wah so cool. go on)

::JOEY:: says: (11:14:36 PM)

rows and rows of empty brown soil, and it looked like it used to have things growing in it, but it was just so bare and empty.

::JOEY:: says: (11:14:59 PM)

like, i dunno, but i felt like He was telling me, you know, i only have one life, one shot, that kinda thing.

::JOEY:: says: (11:15:08 PM)

keep passing opportunities by, and soon i'll have none left.

::JOEY:: says: (11:15:28 PM)

because if i truly saw every person around me as Jesus in disguise, i assure you, i'd be behaving a whole lot different from the way i am now.

::JOEY:: says: (11:15:48 PM)

i'd love them more, because i love Him so much. i'd give more time, because i wanna give Him all my time in the world.

::JOEY:: says: (11:16:13 PM)

i'd hug the homeless, even if they smell, cuz i'd hug Jesus even if he came out from a dumpster.

::JOEY:: says: (11:16:22 PM)

you know? like, am i making sense?

elizabeth; says: (11:17:08 PM)

yes yes

elizabeth; says: (11:17:19 PM)

you know, God is stirring

elizabeth; says: (11:17:33 PM)

guess wad our bible study is on now? evangelism

elizabeth; says: (11:19:31 PM)

eh go type out or just copy and paste what you just told me in your blog

::JOEY:: says: (11:20:22 PM)

why...?

elizabeth; says: (11:20:44 PM)

it's a visual representation of wad may happen

elizabeth; says: (11:20:59 PM)

and i hope, whoever reads it, if he's a sleeping christian, will wake up

::JOEY:: says: (11:22:04 PM)

no blog post is gonna wake a sleeping christian, liz.

::JOEY:: says: (11:22:15 PM)

OH OH I TOOK PICTURES OKAY.

::JOEY:: says: (11:22:34 PM)

cuz as i was hearing all that, i immediately wanted to tell you (honoured?? ;))

elizabeth; says: (11:22:46 PM)

awww so honored!

::JOEY:: says: (11:22:56 PM)

and so i kept praying that we'd pass by a really green crop field again, and another really barren one again

::JOEY:: says: (11:23:03 PM)

and we did! :D so yeah i have pictures

elizabeth; says: (11:23:16 PM)

just put it up anyway can? pls?

well, because you said please. :)

the harvest is plentiful

do something, or it'll disappear

for who knows, dear one, but that you've come to your exact position in this world, for such a time as this?