i ' v e f o u n d Y O U.

Wednesday 30 April 2008

6:32 pm

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY !!! !!! !!! !!!

(I PICKED GREEN COS THAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE COLOUR)

I LOVE MY MUMMY ALOT.

we watched a video on childbirth in psych yesterday, while learning about child development (yeah i know, right, MY SUBJECTS ARE SO KICKASS, HA HA HA ALL YOU LOSERS DOING PW & GP & PI & WHATNOT BACK IN SINGAPORE) and whoa childbirth is HARD.

like, HARD.WORK.

thank you mummy for carrying me in your uterus for nine months, having your lungs compressed and your intestines screwed in a weird position because your womb was like 20 times its normal size. because i was in there. hahaha.

although, i'm sure you'd agree that it was all worth it. HAHAHA.

i love you!!!! <3 <3 <3

p.s. thanks to everyone back home who helped me sms my mummy happy birthday. you all rock. :D

Monday 28 April 2008

4:23 pm

just came back from PlanetUni camp! (:

it was okay. i'd expected to bond more with the cellgroup though.

i don't know what to do, anymore. :( how do you stay in a church where you feel excluded?

pray for me, people. i need direction.

lalallalalalalalala so colddd. :D

i wish God could appear to me as a human being and we could go to starbucks, or whatever, and just sit for hours talking and talking and talking and talking, drinking frappucinos. i want the white chocolate one.

and if God appeared to me as a person, i'd hold His hand and we'd go dancing, dancing, dancing, all night long, and i'd laugh, and look deep into His eyes and tell Him, thank you so much, and He'd tell me how much He loves me.

and i'd smile.

and tell Him, i love You, too.

we'd lie down next to each other and stare at stars, and i'd listen to Him tell me what He was thinking of when He created each star.

i'd snuggle up real, real close to Him and just breathe. and hear Him breathe.

hahaha, i reckon i so eagerly wanna get married, partly because, it'd be a reflection of a love affair with Jesus. sighhh.

come find me....

I FOUND THIS. CUTE. I MISS SINGAPORE, JUST A TEENY BIT. :D

Thursday 24 April 2008

9:54 pm

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed,

yet My love will not depart from you, neither will My covenant of peace

with you be broken, for you are My child, and you are infinitely precious to Me,"

says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

Monday 21 April 2008

12:20 am

i don't remember the last time i'd felt that desperate.

during praise&worship, i didn't even dare sing take me deeper, take me higher, take me further.

how could i? who was i, to ask for more?

beggars don't go to the emperor and demand money.

sinners don't go into the presence of a holy God and ask for more of His anointing.

so i stood instead, unceasing stream of tears down my face, as i felt this battle rage within me, and i couldn't do anything so i just stood there and cried and cried and cried,

scared and helpless, i begged You, "don't let them take me away",

and i begged them, "leave me alone, let me go, please let me go,"

and i was naked, as always, in Your presence.

where there is light, darkness cannot stand; and where You are, God, i am bare, so bare that i shock even myself. where You are, my facade dissolves because the power in Your very name is strong enough to pull all the layers off of me, so that only i remain. only i. remain.

and after service there was this huge canyon in me,

a canyon of emptiness and helplessness and desperate, desperate hunger.

and i don't remember the last time i'd felt that desperate.

my heart was broken and i only realised it at that moment.

God, don't pass me by, please don't pass me by, though i'd fallen for the counterfeit, instead of the genuine, although i had bought into a lie.

don't pass me by.

i needed to find out how to stop this flow of aching emptiness in my soul and so i ran, to pastor rob, with tears unglamly still streaming down my face, and told him how i'd once been so in love and how i fell out of it and how my heart hurt so badly because it was so empty and would he please pray for me?

yes, he prayed. and i don't remember what he prayed, though it happened just a couple of hours ago. because as he prayed, something happened and i wasn't empty anymore.

"the next time the devil comes and tells you you're not worth it, that God won't listen, that God doesn't care, that you're not important enough, tell him to shut up."

tell him to shut up, you are blood-bought.

you shut your face; she's with Me.

i don't know, words can't describe it but my God is so awesome.

words can't even describe what He did for me today.

my God is so, so awesome.

if you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be given you. john 15:7

and i can't remember the last time i cried that much.

i was literally crying throughout the entire service - p&w, and sermon.

my eyes are so tired now but Jesus is holding onto me.

and that feels freaking awesome.

Wednesday 16 April 2008

4:28 pm

here, here. :))

DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW I CAN GET A LINK TO MY ARCHIVES????? (:

( thank you joel chin :D )

Monday 14 April 2008

4:25 pm

it feels really good to be back here in melbourne; maybe it's just the weather or something, but i feel really really great. :D

anyways, pictures!! :D not in the order of events because blogger is stupid and i am lazy. :)

at the airport...

DEAR CHURCHIES. I DIDN'T PUT UP THE PICTURE OF YOU BECAUSE I DON'T LOVE ANY OF YOU AT ALL WAHAHAHAHAHA.

also, blogger is being so stubborn and i haven't finished decorating my room. :))

i'd actually taken alot more pictures of food. but am lazy to upload.

i feel fantastic. really. :)) but i miss my babies! teehee. i can't believe i just called you babies.

Friday 11 April 2008

10:04 pm

life is weird, and people are weird.

i think i am quite weird. :(

there is a cricket in my heart scratching to come out, like An-Mei.

Tuesday 8 April 2008

1:05 am

i was flipping through some of my hundreds of old notebooks, and i came across this poem i'd written when i was 14. i'd been dreaming about my future husband (still am, hahaha) and then someone challenged me, and asked, if God wanted me to never get married, and stay single forever, would i obey?

up to this day, i'm not sure. i want to get married. i want to have babies. i want... lots of things.

so, anyway. the poem.

Maybe i won't see your face, your amazing charming smile

Maybe i won't get lost in your green eyes, or give birth to your child

Maybe i won't get to feel your hair or your soft pink lips on mine

Maybe i'll never enjoy your love; sacrificial, patient, kind

Maybe i will never hear you laugh or you whispering my name

Maybe i won't experience joy with you, joy; with tears and pain

Maybe we won't discuss things like books, movies, thoughts

Maybe i will never share with you my views on life and God

Maybe i won't have a wedding reciting from Song of Songs

Maybe i won't get to say "i do", like i've wanted for so long

Maybe i'll never go on a honeymoon to italy, spain, france

Maybe i won't laugh myself to death when i trip you as we dance

Maybe we won't do anniversaries with candles, chocolate, wine

Maybe i'll never learn with you the skilled art of compromise

Maybe the life i wanted isn't God's plan for me

Maybe He has something better, whatever that could be

So if the best includes you not, if we'll never meet or part

I'll tell you, when i see you in paradise... you were always in my heart.

Monday 7 April 2008

3:39 am

teehee. reading this makes me feel high in demand. :D:D

shut up and humor me, you freaks.

facebook is so stupid.

Friday 4 April 2008

1:37 am

random retarded picture.

singapore's too hot to survive in, honestly.

AMBITION FOR 2008 (once i leave singapore again):

LOOK LIKE THIS .

super chao ji hot lah!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how does a human being even get a stomach that fabulous?!

but then again, of course, supermodels aren't human beings.

ANYWAY. yeah. i'll look like that at the end of the year. yay.