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done, finally.whoa, i just pulled an all-nighter.oh yeah baybeh. :D wahahahaha.
5am, and i'm still up, doing HOI.somebody please shoot me.anyways, look: too much of Athens = loss of sanity.
look at my pants. and my robe. the words on my laptop are what's driving me to absolute distraction.
i'm sorry.
there's a stain. nothing seems to be able to wash it out.
nothing seems to be able to wash me clean.
there's a stain.
i'm sorry.
you were all i had here and now it's like you've gone away too.
i'm so lonely because you've left me.
it feels like you've left me.
and i don't blame you, no it was my fault.
it's always my fault.
but please, if you've ever, ever cared for me before,
please keep knocking.
i swear i'll open the door.
don't go.
i want to go to princeton. :Di hope i can get in. sure, it's a superduperuber long shot... but yeah. we'll see what happens.anyways, problems don't go away here. they just don't, somehow, and i've just got to learn to deal with them. and how i've decided to deal, is to... not. it only hurts as long as you care. so, i simply won't let myself care anymore. there are people in my life who love me, and i've been having the most intimate conversations with Jesus during this whole ordeal. anyways. TWO pictures... there're actually heaps others but i'm just too lazy.tomato club! <3
heheheh. these are nice, super super lame (without even trying to be) people.wait till i tell you about tomatoes. wahahaha. ::D and to my darling who gave me this ages and ages ago...i love you soooo much and wish i could be there with you, wish you could be here with me.
i hope that through all your rubbish circumstances, you fall in love with Jesus again, because He's desperately in love with you. "seek, seek, seek, and you will find Me."you're such a mooncake, HAHAHA, please don't grow up so quick. i love youu!! loads and loads!
in love, in love.if someone's in love with you... he'd want to dance with you forever... and so if he's postponing that, there has to be something more important. no? :)i love it when God speaks. i mean. it isn't a BIG BIG DEAL, because people communicate in relationships, but it's always amazing. even when it's a rebuke. speaking of which... you guys should go and listen to this sermon. it's 47 minutes long, but it'll be worth it, trust me. http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=19fd9c84c942a08316e0 love it when God speaks. so anyway! i know this blog's been completely devoid of pictures, so... :)) ocfers at some dont know what park
girls from my EAP. chio. plus i look good, so i like this picture alot. hahaha.
photos all over my room! look for your face. confirm have. all of you. :D
planetUNI camp! (: 
vera&erica! taken during... ahahahha. 
and photos from ten thousand years ago.. found them at dan's photobucket. :D
love my hair then. this was 2005 CNY, by the way. :)
*cackle cackle* body band :D
He answers prayers. :)) yeah, i believe.
transitions. like in a caterpillar, the transformation from a crawling insect (?) to a something beautiful.in the cocoon, it's the very struggling itself that produces the butterfly.He doesn't want to take me out of the suffering. no, He wants to touch, help, mould, strengthen me through and during this suffering.it is during times like these, times of hurt and trials and pain and confusion, that intimacy with our heavenly Daddie intensifies, a result that mountaintop experiences cannot achieve.when i'm faced with a difficult situation and i'm forced to struggle, it doesn't imply that He doesn't love me. it doesn't imply God doesn't love you, it is an indication that He's preparing me to fly, the way i was born to fly. and if i embrace this transition instead of fear it, it becomes empowering.and i'll emerge as this incredibly strong, incredibly empowered, incredibly gorgeous person that He's always intended for me to be.that's the gist of today's sermon, or what i got out of it, at least.God, let everything i sang today in church be a prayer from the bottom of my heart, with everything i am, i want to honour You. in my thoughts, i want to honour Youin the words i speak, i want to honour Youin how i eat, i want to honour Youin how i treat my body, i want to honour Youin how i read Your Word, i want to honour Youin how i treat my friends, i want to honour Youin how i treat people i don't like, i want to honour Youin the music i listen to, i want to honour Youin the way i do my work, i want to honour Youwhen i sing, i want to sing to honour Youin how i prioritize, i want to honour Youin how i manage my time, i want to honour Youand i'm not assuming that it'll be easy, but i want to do it, and i will do it, God, because i love You, and it's hard struggling on my own and i don't want to struggle on my own anymore. i looked, and i saw what i can be, if only Your Spirit works through me, if only i work through Your Spirit. it's not gonna be easy, but Lord God, what You've conceived in my spirit, let no one abort. thank You so much, for everything, and i can't even begin to express myself sufficiently.He was with me, you know. He still is. when i was doing laundry (it's 3.06am and i'm waiting for my things in the dryer), i felt Him. in the laundry room. as i fold my clothes here, in my room. He's with me. (SUPER TIRING FOR HANDS. HAD TO HANDWASH TRENCH COAT, WHICH LEAKED COLOUR. TSKKK.)and i officially give permission, to all of you, to rebuke me as harshly as you like, if you ever catch me doing/saying/whatever-ing something that reflects badly on my Jesus, okay?but like. don't verbally abuse me or anything, i cannot take it one. hahahaha.life's so awesome, just because He's so awesome, if for nothing else.
AM GETTING SOOO FAT.where did i go wrong, i lost a friendsomewhere along in the bitternessand i would have stayed up with you all nighthad i known how to save a life~my guitar's name is jothy-boy, fyi, not that any of you care, but whatever. i named him after... you know. <3 *giggle giggle, melt*fingers hurt and i still dont know how to play, wahahha how logical and worth it. :Di want a boyfriend! :Di shall quote King David and say, "how long, O Lord, how long??"yeah yeah out of context, blah. that's psalm 6, by the way. :)he will admit to everythingor he'll say he's just not the sameand you'll begin to wonder why you came~white noise, everywhere, surrounds me.'ve gotta be careful to not let myself hear it.lalala. want boyfriend! to pay for my food and buy me pretty presents and bring me on nice dates. :Dwoowoooooo. :D
tralalalalalala~
hot picture of me. :)i think i look hot. AND! married to Jesus, how could i forget?!! last night, i had this sudden realization that life as it was, sucked-ass. and i realised, my heart hurt so much because it was once so close to God, where it was meant to be all along, and suddenly it wasn't with Him anymore.instead it'd been filled with lots of nonsense that could never satisfy. that's why it hurt. i called a whole bunch of people who didn't pick up their phones, and after calling liz for the third time, she answered. we were on the phone for 30 min 13 sec, and, man i miss praying with her. 
I LOVE MY BOFFY.so, anyway. married to Jesus! how could i forget??tucked safe in His arms and He's strong. don't let me let go...P.S. thanks to all my darlings who smsed/emailed me bout not giving up. loveeee you allllll so muchhhhh.i really really feel like hugging people right now, hahahaha. 6.5 months! whoopee!P.P.S if anyone's thinking of watching gossip girl.... DON'T. yeah it's entertaining and addictive, and the girls are seriously pretty, but no no no baddd show, bad bad bad.
if i can do all things through your strength, then i need it so badly. you said you loved me, you said you'd love me forever, unconditionally.don't leave now. don't give up on someone who's given up on herself.
i have so many emotions and absolutely no idea how to control them.i know You're there. how many times will You take me back until you say, "no more"?
