i ' v e f o u n d Y O U.

Saturday, 28 February 2009

7:54 pm

QUITE-LONG POST.

last night, after showering, Jesus came to me.

i knew it- i knew he'd come. i knew he'd come for me.

he came and held me close and gave me a gift.

i'd always read john 14:27 as a verse- a precious one, but still. just a verse.

it would comfort me in times of difficulty and pain.

but last night, when J came to my room and held me in his arms, he gave me a gift.

"Peace", he said, "I leave with you. My peace, dear joey, I give to you. and I don't give as this world gives. I am not swayed by temperament and emotion. So do not let your heart be troubled, sweetheart, and do not be afraid."

"This peace that I'm giving you now, it surpasses all understanding. It transcends all human knowledge and wisdom. It cuts through every layer of hurt, rejection, abandonment, fear of abandonment, every frustration and every fear, every little piece of doubt and uncertainty. it cuts through the worries and pains of life, as a sword would, and then it becomes a sealant coat, a protective layer that encases your heart, to guard it against any flaming arrow from the evil one, or any emotional knife from the people around you."

that was last night.

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went on a 2-hour journey to Werribee Park today... was supposed to go to the free-range zoo, but then we decided it wasn't worth it, or something. anyway.

you'd think that after an awesome lovey dovey thingy with J last night, i'd be all hyped up and happy today. you'd thinkkkk.

I'm telling ya, jealousy works its way from your soul in different forms.

but no matter how it looks, or how it's masked, it kills.

Jealousy kills the spirit and the heart because as it festers, bitterness is borne.

Bitterness gives birth to resentment, and this surfaces in our speech and actions and attitudes.

Jealousy can only exist when i falsely believe someone's shortchanged me.

when i falsely believe that He held out on me and blessed everyone else instead.

but see, my bible says, "no good thing will He withhold from those whose walk is blameless."

my bible tells me that in everything, my Dad works to the good of those who love him, who have been called in accordance to his purposes and will.

my bible tells me that though in this world i will have trouble, my best Friend's overcome the world. and therefore my heart need not fear.

This whole shit-i'm-pathetic-and-my-life-sucks-and-my-friends-suck-and-everything-sucks fiasco's been going on for too long. i know it. everyone knows it. okay maybe only i know it.

in any case, here's the crux of the matter: in everything, there's a choice.

In Deuteronomy 30, God declares, "Today I have set before you life and death", and He urges, and even implores, "choose life!"

In everything, there's a choice. I choose to trust the one who's never let me down.

He won't let go of me. He's the other ox and we're sharing a yoke. =)

soo... yeah.

screw jealousy and bitterness. it isn't worth my energy, and it certainly isn't worth my heart. gosh. what was i thinkinggg. -.-".

anyway. the park! it was soo beautiful and i swear J was romancing me with every step.

with the flowers and the breeze and the skies... and i could literally feel him hugging me.

i sound psycho?

yah yaaahh, maybe.

but look! look how pretty!!!

camwhoring is an art form.

i love this shot because.. the flower in the middle's all dead and wrinkly and yet it's surrounded by 3 other beautiful, perfect roses. they're tied together, in a way.

just like me and my Big 3 in heavennn. HAHAHA.

call me crazy, but that flower in the middle reminds me of myself. yeah.

so on the hour-long bus ride, i had a lot of time to think.

but.. er, i didn't. HA HA HA.

ok the end.

J is so awesome he should get every award ever made.

and more.