i ' v e f o u n d Y O U.

Tuesday, 25 March 2008

3:20 am

dear friend

maybe it's getting too hard

too frustrating

too difficult to work out.

i can't give you what you expect from me.

and i can't keep trying to no avail.

there's only so much one person can do.

i know you're not perfect.

you have to know i'm not, either.

i don't want you to get hurt, because i've been there, i've felt it.

it's like a million needles sticking into your heart at the same time, all the time.

don't play with fire.

we can't just pray that everything will work out; it doesn't work that way.

it's getting tiring.

but i miss you.

Sunday, 23 March 2008

11:35 pm

Southern trees

Bearing strange fruit

Blood on the leaves

Blood on the root

Black bodies

swinging in the southern breeze

Strange fruit hanging

from the poplar trees

Pastoral scene

of the gallant South

Them big bulging eyes

and the twisted mouth

Scent of magnolia

clean and fresh

Then the sudden smell

of burning flesh

Here is a fruit

for the crows to pluck

For the rains to gather

For the wind to suck

For the sun to rot

For the leaves to drop

Here is a strange

and bitter crop

Lewis Allan

Thursday, 20 March 2008

12:02 pm

RANDOM POST WITH RANDOM JEPALANG PICTURES EVERYWHERE.

ooh there's a video! first time i'm putting a video up.

suling's surprise 21st birthday!

everybody crowding in her apartment waiting for her to come out...

me and birthday girl! :D happy birthday, dear.

I SAT ON THE GRASS FOR LUNCH FINALLY.

OCFers at brunetti's.

me cleaning toilet bowl.

joanna acting chio. got make-up somemore hahaa.

love my cell leaders!!! OCX, DAWN (last time), MATZ. :D:D:D

BOTANIC GARDENS!!! if any of you come and visit me i CONFIRM bring you there. super chio.

psych group doing project! ahh i think it sucked in the end. :( our project i mean. :(:(:(

OCFers on VIP night at melbourne central. we are holding champagne!!! FREE ALCOHOL.

dear cousin! miss you!!!

unglam shots of aieshah. JUST BECAUSE I PROMISED.

DEAR DANIEL. mel & i have decided you have a common face. HAHAHA eh jk ahhhh.

i found this video on my phone last night.

miss the good ol' days of "studying" with crazy darling girls at J8!!!

JOEY: "are you taking picture of my boobs!"

LIZ: "no i am taking a picture of the 'FUN'."

JOEY: "you see i am wearing sports bra! (something something) flat."

RACHEL: "she flat then we what! nothing ah!"

LIZ: "concave."

(blah blah blah)

JOEY: "you going youth camp?"

RACHEL: "yah. catch the fire. eh then later we burn how?!"

following that, we did this....

HAHAHA. talked to eliz last night on the phone (tralala! so happy!!),

for 9 minutes and 21 seconds.

it felt like it was only one minute, thought. or two, tops. sigh.

she's going to NYC tomorrow!!!

eh if i were in singapore i would go and send you off and buy you flowers OKAY.

alrighty, end of long and quite pointless post. hahaha.

am going back in NINE DAYS! (:

Wednesday, 19 March 2008

5:04 pm

freedom from all pain?

i don't think so.

Sunday, 16 March 2008

1:49 am

random:

i don't know, for the LIFE of me, why i freaking introduced myself to everybody as GWEN.

i am so freaking obviously not a gwen. i'm a JOEY. i'm a JOEY a gazillion times more than i am a gwen. AIYO. WHY DID I THINK IT'D BE COOL TO USE MY MIDDLE NAME?!?!

damn stupid. tsk.

Gwendolynn is such a class name.

JOEYJOEYJOEY is a nonsense rubbish laugh scream be-unsophisticated name.

i miss being joey. :(

1:09 am

ALLY...

laughing with you in mdm hassan's class, when she didn't even mean for anything to be a joke.

sitting outside the toilet with you and aieshah in between periods, calling you a mooncake, dinosaur, poodle, turtle..

making lists of what we wanna name our children.

laughing at you for being so excited about pretty shoes.

becoming excited about pretty shoes too, under your influence, and aie's.

painting our nails at your house, while watching cinderella.

singing along with her: a dream is a wish your heart makes...

laughing till we couldn't breathe.

aie and i passing notes in miss hamidah's remedial: CRISTIANO RENALDO IS GAYY..

laughing at sam lim and mel for being so obsessed with macbeth.

what i would give to go back.

Saturday, 15 March 2008

1:20 am

in my heart,

in my eyes,

in my soul,

in my life

how i need Your pure glory

in my rest,

in my work,

in my secret,

in my worship

how i need Your pure glory

unveil my heart, let me look upon Your face

pure glory, fall down on me.

spend all my days on the riches of Your praise

let my life count as pure glory for Your name.

Wednesday, 12 March 2008

1:20 am

planetshakers course, DNA. went for it today.

didn't feel like going, was tired, wanted to rest, have craploads of work to do, felt kinda off bout all the new people and everything, didn't wanna take the effort to make small talk, blah blah.

but i dragged my ass to go off anyway, and even at the train station, i kept thinking "i can still go back and bathe and sleep and make psych notes", but for some stupid reason i didn't.

i guess it's good i didn't.

during praise and worship, saw me and Daddie in this big gorgeous field.

i was wearing pretty heels and a nice pink dress and i was laughing and we were dancing.

this really romantic intimate happy dance. :))

and He held me close, and it was warm, and safe, and beautiful.

then, ps sam spoke of how we were called, we are called, to be His witnesses, 24/7.

how, (and i love this), the same Spirit who raised Christ from the dead is in me.

i felt God again.

there was this ball or whatever right infront of me, that i couldn't see, and it was tingling, and i held it and didn't dare move my hands, or whatever, and then after a minute, i felt that ball dissolve, with a burning sensation, move into my hands, into my arms, into my entire body.

right now, i don't know what it means exactly, but i suppose i was.. empowered? anointed?

again?

haha, i don't know why Daddie keeps doing that, like though i don't use the anointing for anything substantial, or anything much. i'd better start soon, though.

wherever i step is God's territory, because wherever i go, He goes, and wherever He goes, He's King. :))

Daddie, drench me in Your Spirit, till You seep out of my very pores.

Sunday, 9 March 2008

12:01 am

moomba waterfest! it's like, some random event that happens every year in melbourne along the yarra river. or something. :))

they had some sort of water parade, and theme park rides, and booths with games you can NEVER win. tskkk. :(( anyways, i went with random people i didn't really know. haha.

didn't go on that, obviously.

got on a milder-looking roller coaster instead. :)) still scary though! hahaha.

fireworks! which i didn't get to see first-hand. -.- but apparently they aren't as good as NDP's.

19 days!!! !!! !!!

homesickness comes in waves, and i find i really don't know who to depend on, who to talk to, who to whine to, who to cry to, who to trust.

in the past, when i felt like total crappified rubbish, i'd pray and then call a friend, and God would speak to me through her/him.

now? i don't know.

i keep thinking "i shouldn't have come, i'm freaking stupid, shouldn't have left singapore", but then i hear a voice that says, reaffirms, reassures, declares so lovingly,

"I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

i just wish i could see the whole thing, lain out infront of me.

ah well, i guess that's why faith's needed. blah. it's so easy to get jaded here.

Saturday, 8 March 2008

11:31 am

i'd seen the video before. but i watched it again last night, when i felt so homesick and lonely and depressed and upset and desolate.

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=ee73e63418003b47d7d5

couldn't stop crying as i watched it.

because Jesus fought for me.

He took my place in the battle because He knew i wouldn't be able to win on my own.

and now, at this time, in this place, Jesus fights for me.

freaking romantic. my own fairytale. :))

Sunday, 2 March 2008

12:36 am

my back hurts! i think i pulled a muscle, might've. so, anyway, i didn't have much to do today. so i was going through the folders in my phone, and i came across stuff i'd forgotten about, but are so precious and dear.

there was a recording of dawn & i (trying to) play guitar and singing THE STAND near the esplanade with people staring at us as if we were nuts as they walked by...

ally's terrible musical composition that she'd invented on my phone while we were in the secret room at tkgs mugging for Os and eating strawberry yoghurt...

elizabeth and i praying in my room during the early early morning of new year's day, thanking Daddie for everything that'd happened in 2007 and committing 2008 to Him...

my future bridesmaids.

i miss you; can't wait to see you again.

28 days, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~