awesomeness personified~

2009-04-22T12:07:00.002+10:00

lay me down, i'm lonely.

and lives of quiet desperation.

and the campaign of fear and consumption.

and the never-ending ache for more.

more.

lay me down.

i'm lonely.

2009-04-12T22:37:00.002+10:00

i don't like that God is jealous.

i don't like that he holds back from me just to show me a point.

it's been increasingly become glaringly obvious that i'm being forced, every day, to go

"God, i trust you.

do whatever you want.

take whatever you want away.

take whoever you want away."

because i find that i can't do a single thing to make any difference anyway.

people who're gonna leave are gonna leave no matter what i do.

and things that're gonna happen are gonna happen. no. matter. what. i. do.

no matter.

and guess what? i'm left alone to grapple and grope around in the vast, vast vacuum of emptiness, hoping with every fibre of my being that there'd be something to hold on to.

i can't talk to anyone.

you're too busy.

you don't care.

you're too... broke.

you've got other things to deal with.

you can't understand, or relate.

you're off having a ball with your friends.

and i'm left alone, and i can't talk to anyone.

i'm doing an essay on jeffrey dahmer, notorious serial killer/rapist/necrophiliac.

and it's terrifying that i recognize traces of myself in the descriptions of him.

but then again, when i think about it, i reckon there're traces of the same evil in every one of us. the same desperation. the same jealousy.

the same murderous rage that is flown into once a heart gets hurt.

or rejected.

or betrayed.

or ignored.

oh, depraved generation.

whatever. it's tricky business being a human being--

created to love, yet afraid to do so

for if i love too much, my heart breaks

but if i don't love at all, it dries up.

and created to be loved.

i think we all know it. as people, we've sensed it intuitively.

i was made to be loved.

only... by whom???

that's right, joey. go, run.

gorge yourself on food.

or plaster a smile on your face and pretend.

or call a friend. what, no answer?

call another friend.

sleep it off, you'll feel better when you wake up.

or cry. let it out.

talk to someone.

take a walk and smile to the sky when the breeze blows past you.

bury yourself in work.

email, email, email.

be the best you can be.

try harder, harder, harderr.

go right ahead, none of it's gonna help when the gnawing sensation of stark blankness erupts into a volcano of aching desperation.

let's see how this'll turn out.

let's see how long it'll take for the one i trust in to come through for me.

i know he will.

for my God is who he says he is.

2009-04-11T23:51:00.000+10:00

emptiness' a bitch.

2009-03-24T21:07:00.003+11:00

oh, sweetheart, if there were just one thing i could speak directly into your heart, it'd be this: your Dad's the King of the universe, and he's going to pull some strings. he's going to pull strings, because some things just don't change.

2009-03-19T18:13:00.003+11:00

due to the truly appalling nature and character of a significant number males i've had the misfortune of coming into contact with in my existence on this planet, i have drawn the conclusion, that if it were not morally outrageous... i'd probably be a lesbian.

especially for the likes of christina aguilera... elisha cuthbert. ashley tisdale.

or at least just people who look like them.

ah well.

2009-03-16T20:48:00.003+11:00

you're not supposed to be up here

in my mind

in my heart

in my soul

in my gut

stay low, treacherous snake

beautiful treachery

you sent for me

once i was free, i remember, once

free from shackles

unbound, unstuck

free from the toxic web

of your bewitching clutch

now i glance around and hear

my own heart's sizzling with tortured fear

increasingly, it emphasizes what is clear

you're not supposed to be up here.

2009-03-15T21:11:00.003+11:00

vaporization. doesn't seem like a terrible idea.

and thanks, but i'll think however the hell i wanna think.

2009-03-11T21:10:00.004+11:00

random hot air balloons floating around :)

last night... was literally one of the worst nights of my life, not even to be exaggerative.

i'd never felt so isolated, so alone, and so.. left behind. i fell asleep at around 10pm after over an hour of sobbing my eyes sore, and writing God a letter:

"dear God

i know i just told you you're a liar. and that you don't really love me. so here's a question: if i told you i hate you, would you still love me? how "unconditional" is this love you profess to have? what if i wanted to hurt myself in hopes that that would hurt you? what if i wanted to drown everything and make myself bleed and throw up, just to make your heart hurt? because i feel like doing just that right now. you said you'd come through for me and i believed you, and all that's done for me is made me look like a complete and utter idiot. where the heck are you?! what the hell are you doing?! let's test this love, now. love me? prove it. prove it. don't, and you'd be a liar, and who knows what else you'd have lied about? who the heck are you, anyway?! why are you letting me hurt when you're so capable of taking the pain all away? so the hell what if you're "able"?! my God is able. sure he is. sure you are. but what's the point of you being "ABLE", "CAPABLE", "ALMIGHTY", if you don't do one flipping thing about anything?!

whatever.

the gist is this: i don't know who you are

i don't know what to believe

i don't know what to do

so if you love me as much as i've heard that you do... PROVE IT.

and just so you know: the more deeply a heart loves (loved), the more bitter it becomes when reality floods in and it's left alone to freaking bleed.

Joey."

i went to sleep mouthing the words "prove it", over and over.

7am alarm rings. i hit snooze button, but not before glancing out of my window to see an awesomely, awesomely breathtaking sunrise framed perfectly by my window frames. i chuckle and say, "prove it moreee"

7.30am alarm rings again. snooze again.

7.50am alarm rings again. open eyes. look out of window, am shocked to see 5 random hot air balloons floating randomly outside window. laugh at the bizarre-ness of the sight.

7.51am look at phone. 6 new messages. wth. hey, people know i exist!

anyway. i proceed to spend an extremely beautiful morning sitting outside a cafe sipping on iced coffee and doing my creative writing readings... then reading my bible.

Ephesians 3:16-20, arguably the most beautiful verses i've set my eyes upon.

wrote this in my journal:

"i am beginning to be increasingly convinced of your hatred of falsehood. true relationship is hindered, it seems, by the lack of real-ness, if there's such a word. it is hindered by pretense: pretending things are okay when they're really not

pretending anger isn't there when it is

trying to sweep everything under the carpet in hopes that it'd just magically go away.

maybe it's wishful thinking on my part, but i think, God, that you might've appreciated me being so brutally honest with you last night. it's possible, no? even probable, really.

action without heart.

heart without action.

the two always have to go together; each is insufficient without the other."

don't know what my point is. blah. anyway.

thanks to matz for being there. <3

2009-03-08T04:18:00.002+11:00

MOOMBA WATERFEST TODAY! :D

RUBIDOO CAME OVER (and is asleep on my couch as i type), SO WAS VERY HAPPYYYY :D

anywaay. yes. anywayy. will not lie; am posting this pic cuz... i think i look pretty. veryyy pretty. HEHEH. disagree all you waaant, each entitled to own opinion, no? :) bad english, whatever.

spent like 3 hours scribbling stuff in my diary after reading like half a chapter of Isaiah.

revelation, revelation indeed.

anyway, on a whole other different note, i figure... i should stop being such a freak.

go awaayyy, disgusting thoughts/feelings/erm, things.

wish i could go to church in the morning... as in, like COSB.

go around hugging people and smacking boobs *cough cough* and stuff.

but nooo i cannttt. i have to go to a new place where i wont know anybody, and smile and hope i dont come off too strongly as a.. well, as a freak. HA HA. joy.

wishhh personn wouldd gett aa callingg cardd alreadyy.

lovee mee rightt. thenn! thenn???

heheheh <3

2009-03-02T23:14:00.004+11:00

Loving this quote from Smith Wigglesworth:

"There is power in God’s Word to make that which does not exist appear.”

totally unrelated: I SO COOKED TODAY! :D

followed aunty esther's recipe of how to make aglio olio. :D

someday i am gonna make someone the luckiest guy on the planet, when i marry him, because clearly i have the wholeee packagee. so i'm drop-dead gorgeous, i'm nice and awesome and all that, AND I CAN COOK! HA HA HA. only kidding. am not really a narcissist.

only awesome people can cook and camwhore at the same time :)

end result. OOOHHHH SOMETHING LOOKS YUMMYY..... :D

2009-03-01T23:42:00.006+11:00

liz says it's important that i put this on my blog. :)

:JOEY:: says: (11:05:54 PM)

"WE'RE GONNA START A FIGHT!"

::JOEY:: says: (11:06:07 PM)

me and J. :))

::JOEY:: says: (11:06:10 PM)

you can come too if you wanna.

elizabeth; says: (11:06:16 PM)

fight the world?

elizabeth; says: (11:06:18 PM)

injustice?

elizabeth; says: (11:06:21 PM)

proverty?

::JOEY:: says: (11:06:24 PM)

not the world.

::JOEY:: says: (11:06:36 PM)

and not proverty since that is not a word, you genius speller. :))

::JOEY:: says: (11:06:48 PM)

but yeah, injustice. didja read my blog?

::JOEY:: says: (11:06:54 PM)

bout the flowers and all that

elizabeth; says: (11:06:54 PM)

poverty

elizabeth; says: (11:06:55 PM)

hahah

elizabeth; says: (11:06:57 PM)

yes

::JOEY:: says: (11:07:13 PM)

at the last part, i said smth like.. on the bus i had alot of time to think but i didnt, right?

elizabeth; says: (11:07:17 PM)

yea

::JOEY:: says: (11:07:24 PM)

i didnt elaborate

::JOEY:: says: (11:07:32 PM)

but i wasnt thinking because i was listening

::JOEY:: says: (11:07:36 PM)

he kept talking.

::JOEY:: says: (11:07:39 PM)

how cool is that.

elizabeth; says: (11:07:46 PM)

cool

elizabeth; says: (11:07:49 PM)

wad he talked abt?

::JOEY:: says: (11:08:01 PM)

ok so the place we were was some.. like the country side luh

::JOEY:: says: (11:08:18 PM)

like realllyyyyy far away from the city

::JOEY:: says: (11:08:25 PM)

so its like, got agriculture and stuffff

::JOEY:: says: (11:08:38 PM)

and i was listening to the Power of Your Name on my ipod nonstop

::JOEY:: says: (11:09:30 PM)

anw. theres a line in the song that goes "and i will give with the life that i've been given, and go beyond religion, to see this world be changed by the power of your name"

::JOEY:: says: (11:10:10 PM)

and POSSIBLY, it was just the emotional part of me acting up, or it couldve been God. in any case... things started rising up in me luh.

::JOEY:: says: (11:10:39 PM)

and as i looked out the window i was pretty much zoning out, admiring the sky and saying "pretty sky, Daddy", or "pretty flowers, Daddy"

::JOEY:: says: (11:10:50 PM)

then after awhile i started noticing the agriculture. the crops, and all.

::JOEY:: says: (11:11:14 PM)

and (I THINK) J began to speak, and say... the harvest is ready, jo, but the workers are few.

::JOEY:: says: (11:11:23 PM)

the harvest is plentiful, jo, but the workers are so few.

::JOEY:: says: (11:11:59 PM)

and right then, the bus started passing by rows and rows and rows of the greenest, most healthy-looking vegetables and stuff

::JOEY:: says: (11:12:39 PM)

"the workers are few, the workers are so few", and the crops, lined up in straight rows, just stretched out, sooooo much crop

::JOEY:: says: (11:13:10 PM)

so i asked him, "so whats gonna happen? what do you want ME to do about it??"

::JOEY:: says: (11:13:22 PM)

and the bus started passing by barren soil

::JOEY:: says: (11:13:42 PM)

i'm not kidding. right at that moment, like J was showing me a slideshow or smth.

elizabeth; says: (11:13:56 PM)

(wah so cool. go on)

::JOEY:: says: (11:14:36 PM)

rows and rows of empty brown soil, and it looked like it used to have things growing in it, but it was just so bare and empty.

::JOEY:: says: (11:14:59 PM)

like, i dunno, but i felt like He was telling me, you know, i only have one life, one shot, that kinda thing.

::JOEY:: says: (11:15:08 PM)

keep passing opportunities by, and soon i'll have none left.

::JOEY:: says: (11:15:28 PM)

because if i truly saw every person around me as Jesus in disguise, i assure you, i'd be behaving a whole lot different from the way i am now.

::JOEY:: says: (11:15:48 PM)

i'd love them more, because i love Him so much. i'd give more time, because i wanna give Him all my time in the world.

::JOEY:: says: (11:16:13 PM)

i'd hug the homeless, even if they smell, cuz i'd hug Jesus even if he came out from a dumpster.

::JOEY:: says: (11:16:22 PM)

you know? like, am i making sense?

elizabeth; says: (11:17:08 PM)

yes yes

elizabeth; says: (11:17:19 PM)

you know, God is stirring

elizabeth; says: (11:17:33 PM)

guess wad our bible study is on now? evangelism

elizabeth; says: (11:19:31 PM)

eh go type out or just copy and paste what you just told me in your blog

::JOEY:: says: (11:20:22 PM)

why...?

elizabeth; says: (11:20:44 PM)

it's a visual representation of wad may happen

elizabeth; says: (11:20:59 PM)

and i hope, whoever reads it, if he's a sleeping christian, will wake up

::JOEY:: says: (11:22:04 PM)

no blog post is gonna wake a sleeping christian, liz.

::JOEY:: says: (11:22:15 PM)

OH OH I TOOK PICTURES OKAY.

::JOEY:: says: (11:22:34 PM)

cuz as i was hearing all that, i immediately wanted to tell you (honoured?? ;))

elizabeth; says: (11:22:46 PM)

awww so honored!

::JOEY:: says: (11:22:56 PM)

and so i kept praying that we'd pass by a really green crop field again, and another really barren one again

::JOEY:: says: (11:23:03 PM)

and we did! :D so yeah i have pictures

elizabeth; says: (11:23:16 PM)

just put it up anyway can? pls?

well, because you said please. :)

the harvest is plentiful

do something, or it'll disappear

for who knows, dear one, but that you've come to your exact position in this world, for such a time as this?

2009-02-28T19:54:00.006+11:00

QUITE-LONG POST.

last night, after showering, Jesus came to me.

i knew it- i knew he'd come. i knew he'd come for me.

he came and held me close and gave me a gift.

i'd always read john 14:27 as a verse- a precious one, but still. just a verse.

it would comfort me in times of difficulty and pain.

but last night, when J came to my room and held me in his arms, he gave me a gift.

"Peace", he said, "I leave with you. My peace, dear joey, I give to you. and I don't give as this world gives. I am not swayed by temperament and emotion. So do not let your heart be troubled, sweetheart, and do not be afraid."

"This peace that I'm giving you now, it surpasses all understanding. It transcends all human knowledge and wisdom. It cuts through every layer of hurt, rejection, abandonment, fear of abandonment, every frustration and every fear, every little piece of doubt and uncertainty. it cuts through the worries and pains of life, as a sword would, and then it becomes a sealant coat, a protective layer that encases your heart, to guard it against any flaming arrow from the evil one, or any emotional knife from the people around you."

that was last night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

went on a 2-hour journey to Werribee Park today... was supposed to go to the free-range zoo, but then we decided it wasn't worth it, or something. anyway.

you'd think that after an awesome lovey dovey thingy with J last night, i'd be all hyped up and happy today. you'd thinkkkk.

I'm telling ya, jealousy works its way from your soul in different forms.

but no matter how it looks, or how it's masked, it kills.

Jealousy kills the spirit and the heart because as it festers, bitterness is borne.

Bitterness gives birth to resentment, and this surfaces in our speech and actions and attitudes.

Jealousy can only exist when i falsely believe someone's shortchanged me.

when i falsely believe that He held out on me and blessed everyone else instead.

but see, my bible says, "no good thing will He withhold from those whose walk is blameless."

my bible tells me that in everything, my Dad works to the good of those who love him, who have been called in accordance to his purposes and will.

my bible tells me that though in this world i will have trouble, my best Friend's overcome the world. and therefore my heart need not fear.

This whole shit-i'm-pathetic-and-my-life-sucks-and-my-friends-suck-and-everything-sucks fiasco's been going on for too long. i know it. everyone knows it. okay maybe only i know it.

in any case, here's the crux of the matter: in everything, there's a choice.

In Deuteronomy 30, God declares, "Today I have set before you life and death", and He urges, and even implores, "choose life!"

In everything, there's a choice. I choose to trust the one who's never let me down.

He won't let go of me. He's the other ox and we're sharing a yoke. =)

soo... yeah.

screw jealousy and bitterness. it isn't worth my energy, and it certainly isn't worth my heart. gosh. what was i thinkinggg. -.-".

anyway. the park! it was soo beautiful and i swear J was romancing me with every step.

with the flowers and the breeze and the skies... and i could literally feel him hugging me.

i sound psycho?

yah yaaahh, maybe.

but look! look how pretty!!!

camwhoring is an art form.

i love this shot because.. the flower in the middle's all dead and wrinkly and yet it's surrounded by 3 other beautiful, perfect roses. they're tied together, in a way.

just like me and my Big 3 in heavennn. HAHAHA.

call me crazy, but that flower in the middle reminds me of myself. yeah.

so on the hour-long bus ride, i had a lot of time to think.

but.. er, i didn't. HA HA HA.

ok the end.

J is so awesome he should get every award ever made.

and more.

2009-02-25T00:22:00.003+11:00

Jim Elliot said, "God always gives his best to those who leave the choice to Him."

God has promised... only His best.

anyway, just so you guys know, i'm kinda going through a rather rough patch right now.

i'm just gonna bare my heart and soul here, since i think only my closest and dearest read this blog anyway. hahaha. i didn't actually laugh, just so you know. it was a filler.

but listen up, so you know what's going on and so you can - hopefully - support me in love and prayer... i'm honestly scared. thinking about it, i've realized that the thing i'm most terrified of in the world is simply loneliness. not having anyone, you know? and apart from Jesus, i honestly think... i might have no one. oh, good, now my throat's hurting and i'm crying again. HAHAHA. that's not even funny.

it sucks to be so far away from everybody i know and love.

it's emotionally exhausting to have to push and strive and work, every day.

be strong, joey.

smile, joey.

be friendly, joey.

laugh, joey.

pretend, joey.

make small talk, joey.

don't be so insecure, joey.

don't be so sensitive, joey.

hang on, joey.

it'll get better, joey.

only it isn't getting better.

right, by now even i don't know what the heck i'm typing about.

am putting this picture up because... when you girls first came back from cambodia, things were so weird and i felt so wrong even hanging out with you.

you're all wearing the same same shirt, and i'm not. i was different from all you guys.

but in a couple of weeks everything went back to normal and i fit again, like in a jigsaw.

so... in the same way.

He'll come through for me.

Jesus will be my strength.

Isaiah 35:3-4

Strengthen the feeble hands, steady the knees that give way;

say to those with fearful hearts,

"Be strong, do not fear, your God will come...

He will come to save you."

love me? pray. it's the only - and probably the best - thing you can do anyway.

2009-02-23T23:57:00.001+11:00

why do i have to be ordinary?

why should i be scared about not fitting in?

who says i have to blend in?

why can't i choose to stand out?

who says i have to take it slow?

who says i have to go one step at a time?

why can't my life be mindblowingly, earth-shatteringly, fantastically... different?

who says my destiny's already set in stone?

who says my calling is just to smile at strangers and feel bad for the homeless?

who sets the boundaries which confine me?

why do i have to stay within said boundaries?

who says i'm not good enough?

who says i'm not strong enough?

who says i'm not... enough?

what makes me even entertain the thought that they might be right?

who is the God i serve?

who is the One who stirs my soul?

what is true of Him?

what remains true of Him, despite shifting, ever-changing circumstances?

what does He say of me?

what does He think of me?

what does He intend for my life?

who was i born to become?

what's stopping me from becoming just that?

and... what's stopping you?

2009-02-20T14:22:00.007+11:00

desperately needing a hug right now.

this whole time in melbourne (3 days, to be exact) has been a total roller-coaster ride.

i miss everyone back home.

and GOD, i'm so, so scared.

terrified of being lonely, and terrified that history'll repeat itself.

because if this year's anything like the last, i think i'll kill myself.

i feel like this small little girl who's lost in a giant shopping mall and who can't find her mummy and who is just... terrified.

because no matter what people've promised, circumstances change.

emotions change, and therefore decisions change.

not only am i terrified, i'm exhausted, too.

carrying 47 kilograms of luggage around isn't what you'd call fun.

unpacking and vacuuming and unpacking somemore, isn't what you'd call fun.

going to bed with a feeling of hollow, hollow emptiness and not being able to cry, isn't what you'd call fun.

feeling like the world's most pathetic loser isn't what you'd call fun.

i know J's here with me, i know he isn't letting me go, but i just wish..

i want it to be last month again.

i want to be surrounded by people i know and who love me.

i want to be able to go high and laugh with all the joy in the world again.

i want to not have to calculate and think through every little word i say.

i miss my girls.

tomorrow's the anniversary dinner, and i'll be here. in melbourne. alone.

GOD, THIS SUCKS.

you know, i keep asking and asking and asking God.

and he keeps making me wait. i don't get it.

i've been reading Captivating (thanks liz i miss you sooo much), and it says that the heart of a woman yearns, above all, to be romanced and beautiful and part of a great adventure.

"Most women define themselves in terms of their relationships, and the quality they deem those relationships to have. I am a mother, a sister, a daughter, a friend. Or, I am alone. I'm not seeing anyone right now, my children aren't calling, my friends are distant. This is not a weakness in women- it is a glory. A glory that reflects the heart of God."

it seems my glory has become my bane, then.

he knows how scared i am of being left alone. he knows. why won't he do anything to help??

but, uh, when it all comes down to it

Lord, i love You.

Lord, you are all i've got, and i trust you.

please come through for me.

you've never let me down. don't start now.

just for nostalgia's sake, and to reminisce on all i've left behind.

man, how emo do i sound.

2009-02-16T03:34:00.002+11:00

had an insane amount of fun tonight.

laughing truly is awesome awesome medicine, not that i was sick, but, well.

WENT HIGH IN MACAU CAFE, HA HA HA. anyway.

i honestly believe it wasn't coincidence that we pushed the flight back and i could go for the cornerstone thing today. because even though, i guess, i can go see shakers perform whenever i wanna in melbourne, something happened today that doesn't happen a lot.

it wasn't the music, although that was great.

and it wasn't the preaching; because it was a message i'd heard countless times before.

Position yourself for God to Move.

it was that, after 17.5 years of existence on this planet, i realized...

spiritual obesity, much like in the physical, is highly highly detrimental to me.

not only was i living a grossly unproductive life, even with all the "potential" and "talent" Dad'd given me, i was being fooled into believing that going for conference after conference, having "spiritual encounter" after "spiritual encounter", listening to sermon tapes on end, knowing every planetshaker song, every hillsong song, all that, was a big deal, or having any kind of positive effect at all. what good is all that if it just stays in me?

i thought i was being a "good christian" for knowing so much about the principles of God, the characteristics of God, the will of God, the structure of God, but in actual fact, i knew nothing, because i didn't know the heart of God.

it beats for the lost.

God's one desire is not that i should live in the lap of luxury.

it isn't that i'm the prettiest girl in any given photo, haha.

it isn't.. all of that. any of that.

God's one desire is to reach a broken world through willing vessels.

yes, i am in the arms of J and we are dancing under the stars.

yes, He holds my heart in his hand and whispers my name.

yes, i feel his heart beating and his breath against my ear.

yes, i close my eyes and savour that one perfect, beautiful moment where we are one.

but maybe, just maybe...

dancing in the arms of my Lover is more than just goosebumps and a warm gooey feeling that wells up from the inside of me.

maybe it is more than romance, more than hype, more than ideals and more than emotive responses.

maybe dancing in J's arms is about truly knowing his heartbeat and living the life of excitement, awesomeness, intimacy and terrifying, free-falling risk in order to make said heart glow with pleasure and pride.

just maybe.

2009-02-15T21:19:00.001+11:00

first post of the century!

time to celebrate, people :)

whoohoooooooo

2008-12-11T20:29:00.000+11:00

oh loook!!!
strawberries and icecream, yummmm.

2008-12-09T03:22:00.002+11:00

who likes nice people who pick you up from the airport? I DO! I DO!

as opposed to those who choose to go to certain 3rd world countries instead.

My time in Singapore so far has been spent with much enjoyment, albeit definite unproductivity.

i miss melbourne. :(

2008-12-05T00:41:00.003+11:00

WHO WANTS TO GO HOME??

NOT MEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

WHYY?????

BECAUSE I HAAAAAATTTEEE PACKINGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WITH A VENGEANCE! I HATE IT WITH A VENGEANCEEEEEEE.

on another note, thank you JESUS for placing awesome people in my life

and giving me awesome friends who are shit at times and even worse than shit at times but are still awesome i guess.

thanks for bringing in awesome people when other awesome people suddenly become weird. and thanks for mixing pepper and salt together.

whatever that means.

2008-12-03T20:57:00.004+11:00

i was feeling like the loneliest person in the world.

why can't things go my way, just once? what's God trying to do, break me so i'll hang to him?

so i sat in the toilet, and with the water running, i cried and cried and cried.

not just because of my dear YB, but life on a whole.

how confusing and uncertain everything is, who do i trust? where do i go? what do i do?

there are times where tears are the best remedy for a broken heart

& sometimes they serve no purpose but to drain you of your water and hurt your eyes.

so, afterward, was lying in bed in an empty house, i started to write.

i confess i drew inspiration from dawn's text; thanks sweetheart.

Finding myself at a loss for words

not knowing what to say

Unable to express my fear and pain

but Lord, I know that it's okay.

The last thing I need is to be heard

No, Lord, please silence me

Instead I will listen for Your voice

as you whisper gently.

Speak, Lord God, and I will know

the path I have to take

and though it be long, narrow, hard

My walk will not be swayed

Even as You see me now

and loneliness plagues my heart

I will yet hold to You, O Lord Most High

I refuse to be corrupt

For You, Lord Jireh, will provide

no matter the circumstance

and despite the turbulence and uncertainty

My whole world is in Your hands.

So, dearest Jesus, dear Friend and King

speak life into my soul

and Lord, I stand by the truth:

In You, i'm beautiful, made whole.

2008-12-03T07:58:00.003+11:00

i swear my heart is actually hurting.

it hasn't felt this way in 2 years.

2008-12-02T12:39:00.010+11:00

CHRISTMAS IS COMINGGG!!!!!!!!

I AM SOOOOO EXCITEDDDDDDD....

already thought up FANTASTIC gift ideas for almost everyone.

don't worry mummy, not gonna cost you a lot of money. hahaha.

I AM SO EXCITED FOR CHRISTMAS!!!

hmm but i guess it isn't really about celebrating Jesus' birthday, for me.

it's more a YAY i have a chance to show everyone i love how much i love them!, kinda thing.

OHHH NNOOO I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF WHAT TO GIVE THE BIG J!

come on God, you already have me, isn't that enough. HA HA.

so anyway, back to christmas. SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh no no nooooo wait i wanna blog about what i did yesterday, the last day of my exams.

okay so here it is: i went to the beautiful, magical land of happiness, called...

SUNSHINE.

(am lodging into a story that is unlikely to make much sense.)

SO after the media paper (which was complete and utter crap, if you wanted to know), i went to the city to meet my friend Rubidoo. yes that is her real name. we intended to go shopping at DFO, and so we were at the train station but couldn't find a train to get there.

and so, after much, much, much deliberation, we decided... okay heck it let's just rent movies, go back and watch them while eating ice-cream. so we were on our way out of the train station, when i got a BRILLIANT idea.

"I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!!!!!!!!! WHY DON'T, we just pick a random train stop to get off at, and find something fun to do there????"

i swear her eyes started flashing in excitement and eagerness and amazement at my incredibly awesome plan.

"OKAY OKAY!!!!!!!!!"

so we scurried down to the train platform, and decided to just get on the first train that arrived. there was one that was going to come in 3 minutes, so we started looking at all the stops that train would be going to. there was this place called FOOTSCRAY, which, if you ask me, sounds absolutely repulsive and strangely like a fungus growing between your toes.

and then... my eyes dropped down the list, and found SUNSHINE.

"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD LET'S GO TO SUNSHINE!!!!!!!!!!"

"OKAY!!!!!!!!!"

"MAYBE, MAYBEEEEE WE WILL FIND A SECRET PASSAGEWAY TO THE LAND OF THE FAIRIES! THEN WE CAN TALK TO THEM AND ASK THEM HOW THEY ARE, AND THEY CAN SAY, 'HELLO JOEY WE ARE ALRIGHT HOW ARE YOU?' AND I CAN SAY 'I AM VERY WELL MISS FAIRY, THANK YOU!' "

"err. right, joey."

so we got on the train... and got to SUNSHINE! =D

(how good are my camwhoring skills.)

got into fits of laughter when we got there cos it so does not live up to its name at all.

it's like a dead town lah. BUT, as we all know... things are NEVER as they seem. NEVER!

Mehab of Punjab, and i was like "THAT IS A SIGN!!! because you are indian. =D"

i then proceeded to force Rubidoo to stand on the table and point at the sign excitedly.

Her camera batteries had died so i was in a terrible mood and we had to go around looking for AA batteries (i know right how old is her camera man), and then we bought batteries but they were the wrong ones so the really really nice vietnamese shopkeeper man let us trade those batteries in for the right ones without charging us! HOW NICE IS THAT! after that i was very happy again. HAHAHA.

nice vietnamese man.

ran around camwhoring with the various features of Sunshine Land, all the while filled with a deep-seated sense of yellow sunshiness! HA HA HA i do not believe i just typed that sentence.

HOLY HAIR. hahahahahhaha i do not know why i look so fat in this picture. disregard the fatness.

doesn't it look like i am getting a revelation about my hair????? =D

HA HA HA HA HA WE WERE IN STITCHES FOR THE LONGEST TIME ABOUT THIS.

saw an abandoned trolley cart by the side of the road, and so we wanted to take a picture with it. thennn a very nice guy who was passing by offered to help us take a photo together! I LOVE NICE PEOPLE LIKE THAT, I FEEL LIKE GIVING THEM "NICE PEOPLE" MEDALS!!!!!!!

soon, we got a tad bored with SUNSHINE LAND, beautiful and chirpy and full of human-goodness as it was, so we caught a bus to Highpoint Shopping Centre! =D

This is me charging Rubidoo's phone. stealing Highpoint's electricity. =D

bought 2 pairs of jeans from jeanswest-- 2 for $99! which isn't that cheap

but all my other jeans have got holes in them. =(

coming outta the dressing room a tad traumatized...

RUBIDOO. ME.

All in all, a pretty awesome day! =)

UNPLANNED, SPONTANEOUS FUN IS THE BEST KIND THERE IS!!!! =D

still excited for christmas.

MINDBLOWING PRESENTS COMING YOUR WAY, PEOPLE!!!

GET PSYCHED! GET PSYCHEDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! =D =D =D =D =D =D

okay maybe not mindblowing to you, but to me, definitely. =D

I LOVE YOU ALLLL!!!!!!!!!!!

AM IN SUCH A FANTASTIC MOOD. =D

2008-11-30T20:42:00.001+11:00

no one gives a flip about eisner. honestly.

2008-11-30T01:08:00.004+11:00

i know it's so random, but

WHO REMEMBERS THESE?????????

ally's favouriteee. HAHAHA.

this is soooo me. REMEMBER?!?!! omggg :( i miss everyone.

miss you freaks.

i think reminisce is a funny word.

2008-11-30T00:55:00.002+11:00

joanna: do you realize that your speech frequently incorporates various parts of a chicken's anatomy?

2008-11-29T23:39:00.001+11:00

i miss you.

2008-11-28T11:14:00.003+11:00

found this in my journal. forgot i'd written it.

i hate how forgetful i am.

"i haven't spoken with you in awhile. when i don't talk to my friends- dear friends- for too long, they stop being so dear to me. look at ____ and ______ and _______.

i suppose, it's the same with you. in this book, this very book itself, i penned down dreams and aspirations and visions i once saw so clearly, revelations from you i heard so clearly.

in this very book, i have journal-ed and pondered and meditated after an intense experience in your showers of anointing. just a mere few weeks ago, i soaked in your presence like it was the most natural thing in the world.

just a few months ago i was so besotted and intoxicated and in love with you, i heard you with that much clarity and you were mine. you were truly, truly mine, and it showed. i know it showed, but now i don't want to live in the past, and i don't want to live in this present present i have, either.

i have come because i would love to make it right, all of it. i want to breathe you in, so deeply, and so fully, until i am totally filled, until it overflows and until your being seeps out of mine. so, i have come.

i hope, i hope. i hope you'll see it, and show up, and come be with me."

still, i hold to that.

2008-11-27T19:35:00.001+11:00

and he plays guitar pretty.

and sings pretty.

2008-11-27T19:34:00.001+11:00

martin smith looks like a grown up cartoon boy.

like a blonde astroboy.

2008-11-27T18:45:00.001+11:00

the sky looks fake

i feel like crap

no reason

this is so stupid

i can't even rhyme properly

i want to puke amen.

2008-11-26T08:40:00.001+11:00

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." -Mother Theresa.

2008-11-23T22:13:00.001+11:00

"the devil has come to steal and to kill and to destroy...

but i knew that if i could sing, i could sing my way to freedom."

-Jill McCloghry

2008-11-22T11:45:00.007+11:00

LOOK AT ALL THE PRETTY CHICKENS!!!!!!!!!!!!

HEHEHEHEH

CHICKEN LITTLE!! =D

Disclaimer: this does not mean I have found a new obsession with chickens, I just think the word is very cute and so I googled it and this is what I found. :) Please do not mistakenly think I really really really really really really love them and for that stupid reason, decide to get me chicken-related items as birthday/christmas/random gifts. :)

2008-11-21T00:46:00.002+11:00

joey: tell me about the enlightenment.

joanna: OKAY! *blah blah blah blah blah* enlightenment jean jacque whatever john locke declaration of whatever *blah blah blah* skeptic.. *blah blah* born in 1679 *blah blah blah blah blah blah blah*...

joey: *sighhhhhs and looks extremely pained*

joanna: are you listening to me or not!??!?!

joey: honestly, no.

joanna: *flabbergasted*

joey: OKOK i am aBIT, okay??

joanna: *grumble grumble* joey is stupid..

joey: no i'm not, you are.

joanna: you're stupid.

joey: no, you're stupid.

joanna: you're stupid.

joey: you're stupid.

joanna: you're stupid.

joey:you're stupid.

joanna: you're stupid.

joey: you're stupid.

joanna: you're stupid.

joey: oh my god i should go blog this.

joanna: nooooo..

joey: okay hang on i go blog first.

joanna: you suckkkkk.

joey: no, you suck. *goes off to blog*

WE ARE SO NOT PREPARED FOR HOI.

*BANG BANG BANG ACKKK WE'RE DEAD!* :D

2008-11-21T00:14:00.001+11:00

random thoughts swimming around in my head...

my back hurts.

i am depressed.

no i am not.

yes i am.

depression is too strong a word.

fine i am upset.

i hate HOI.

no i don't.

fine it is merely annoying.

yes it is.

i'm glad i wasn't born in saudi arabia.

eat shit and die.

don't want.

fine then don't.

i cannot believe i am typing rubbish when i have an exam in 9 hours.

my back hurtsssssss.

who cares about the renaissance.

not me.

not me, either.

chicken neh neh.

glad hamlet's over and done with.

WHY IS EVERYONE BEING SO WEIRD????

i don't know.

me neither.

i hate it when people are weird.

it just makes me feel weird.

oh my god my back is killing me.

shut up and drive.

no car.

no license.

hahahaha.

okay.

bye.

raving moronic lunatic.

2008-11-19T22:57:00.001+11:00

stress can kill.

2008-11-19T22:07:00.000+11:00

HOW TO STUDY FOR HOI?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!

*ACKKKKKKK*

2008-11-19T21:18:00.004+11:00

Studies have shown that people required to constantly churn out essay after essay have higher chances at suffering mental and emotional instability, as well as frequent spurts of momentary insanity. Also, they eat a lot more chocolate than the rest of the world's population.

2008-11-19T14:41:00.002+11:00

joanna: the entire year of math has gone to hell in a hen basket..

joey: i never understood that expression.

joanna: what?

joey: why hen basket?

joanna: because it sounds funny.

joey: what about tupperware? it's going to hell in a tupperware. quite funny also what.

joanna: yah but last time when they created it, didnt have tupperware.

joey: orh. what about fishing net?

joanna: why would there be a fishing net is hell?

joey: why would there be a hen basket in hell?

joanna: AIYA! *looks very exasperated* let's not debate this.

joey: *snigger snigger* okay.

joanna: i think am sinking into depression...

joey: don't worry! i be your psychologist :D

joanna: dont want lah i will commit suicide.

joey: OI! give me a chance lah!

joanna: fine. i am depressed.

joey: why?

joanna: my life sucks.

joey: hmmm....

joanna: you think so long, i kill myself already lah!

joey: WAIT LAH!!!! okok think about the good things in life.

joanna: dont have good things... :(

joey: think about the birds flying in the sky..

joanna: dont like birds.

joey: think about the little kiddies of the world..

joanna: dont like kiddies.

joey: think about chocolate...

joanna: dont like chocolate.

joey: *eyes light up* i know! think about FRENCH!!!! think about paris and the funny tower.

joanna: dont really like france...

joey: OMG just go and sleep lah.

joanna: YOU SUCKKKK.....

joey: you think be psychologist very easy ah!

joanna: i should just crawl into a coffin and slam it shut...

HAHAHAHAHAHA FREAKING HILARIOUS, OKAY. OKAY OKAY DAMNN FUNNYYYYY.

2008-11-19T01:25:00.001+11:00

i think i am a very tough friend to have.

if you disagree, the only possible reason for that is, you have not been talking to me.

or spending time with me. :)

sorry to all my precious, precious darlings who take my shit day-in, day-out.

love you all.

ok bye.

2008-11-17T22:47:00.003+11:00

I believe there is divine imagination

Give it wings for it created aviation

Every little hope you’re holding inside

Every little gleam you keep in you eye

Before a seed became a flower there was a vision

The dream is planted deep, He’ll shower it with wisdom

Flowing with love that’s making you smile

You’ve waited in your faith, you’ve dreamed your whole life

Your soul begins to fly

There’s a dream in your heart

And His heart is your prayer

You can move mountains with your life in His hands

He’ll tear down the walls and He’ll walk where you can’t

Have faith in the power to believe

He’s given you a dream

I pray your dream will leap beyond your expectation

You’ll see miracles- He has no limitations

Listen to His voice, a spark will ignite

Let Him be the strength to carry your life

He’ll raise your spirit high

He's given you a dream.

2008-11-16T19:41:00.001+11:00

MY NEW FAVOURITE WORD IS CHICKEN.

say it after me!

CHICKEN!

CHICKEN CHICKEN CHICKEN CHICKEN CHICKEN!!! :D

2008-11-13T23:03:00.002+11:00

started emo-ing when i was studying today, watching stupid videos me & the girls made while mugging for Os. can't wait to go home. excitingggg.

UPDATE: okay i change my mind. i dont miss you anymore. :)

2008-11-12T11:34:00.002+11:00

major stress-out.

major, major, major.

if you care for me at all, and if you believe prayer works, then pray for me.

oh and erm flight details -

5th december

SQ 238, touching down 15:30.

can't freaking wait.

*bounces around in excitement*

ok whatever am still majorly stressed out.

2008-11-10T00:14:00.000+11:00

THE WORLD IS AN EGG.

AND WE ARE ALL CHICKENS.

think about that.

2008-11-05T03:15:00.000+11:00

joey: my earrings very nice right!

*elisa stares blankly at my earrings.*

joey: oi! very nice right! it's from turkey!

elisa: really?

joey: *happily* yah!!

elisa: like the eggshell?

joey: huh does it look like it's made of eggshell?

elisa: err.. turkey is like the chicken right?

HAHAHA OMGGGGGGGGGGGG.

2008-11-04T19:32:00.002+11:00

ask me why millions of children starve on a daily basis.

ask me why so many families are forced to prostitute their daughters.

ask me why teenagers turn to the occult and satanism, just to feel like they belong.

ask me why AIDS is now more rampant than it has ever been.

ask me why fathers rape their own children.

ask me why those children grow up to become as abusive as their parents.

ask me why the vicious cycle of pain and destruction is coming to no end.

ask me why there is no evidence of a living God on this planet.

ask me, and i'll tell you.

because i've been sleeping, clutching onto my pooh bear stuffed toy.

because all day long, i've been sitting in my room watching Gossip Girl.

because i've been worrying about becoming fatter and fatter.

because i've been looking in the mirror and obsessing over my numerous zits.

because the bible's become just a book.

because instead of fishing, i've been swimming around in my pretty little own aquarium.

because my life does not go beyond myself.

that's why.

2008-11-03T21:13:00.004+11:00

I HAVE DECIDED... THE THEME OF MY AWESOME SEXY-17 BIRTHDAY PARTAY IS GONNA BE MASQUERADE!
SO! GO GO GO BUY YOUR MASKS, PEOPLE! :D

oooooh nate loves serena but he told jenny by mistake... *sneaky sneaky*

and. just to brag a little bit...
MY ROOM IS SOOO CLEAN!!
THE STOVE IS SHINEY WHITE!! ( i took 'before' and 'after' shots, will upload later)
MY CLOTHES ARE IN MY CUPBOARD, NOT ON THE FLOOR!
THERE ARE NO MORE RANDOM BALLS OF DUST & HAIR LYING AROUND MY ROOM!
AND.... i blew 12 bucks on laundry. :)

hilda and erica came over last night to help clean my apartment up! :D
YAY! :) nice nice people who recognized a disaster when they saw one. :)

EDIT: NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO WEAR PINK! I AM WEARING PINK! :D MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

2008-11-01T01:48:00.002+11:00

want an unglam shot? i'll give you an unglam shot!

no! better yet! i will give you TWO unglam shots!

because... i am an a w e s o m e friend. =D

Rachel Wong, ladies & gentlemen...

2008-10-31T02:06:00.003+11:00

CAN I JUST STATE, FOR THE RECORD, HOW GOOD IT FEELS TO BE CALLED..

-SLUTTY =elizabeth lee

-GEYLANG-WORTHY =rachel wong

-FAT =jeremiah lee

-LIKE A COW =rochelle yong

ALL AT THE SAME TIME? =)

REALLY, IT FEELS FANTASTIC.

thank GOD for awesome people like dawn and aieshah.. who see me for the gorgeous-beyond-gorgeous beauty queen that i truly am.

*sighs contentedly*

2008-10-27T21:35:00.003+11:00

pics from my weekend... =) just because i dont have much else to blog about. =)

heheheh me and gisele bundchen practically identical, hey? :D

saw "The Women". very girl-power movie, like sex & the city, minus the sex. :D

botanic gardens <3>

and... he's here!!! :D:D:D

david rafael ferrin garces. i've got his name down pat. :D and he was born 14th april 03.

love him, he's the cutest EVER. <3

PRAY for my boy, people. i want him to know that Jesus loves him. <3>

on to more frivolous things...

the ball's on friday, which is less than a week away, and i've got nothing to wear. :) joy.

there was this dress, though, pink and HOT, and the sales assistants kept telling me how gorgeous i looked.. BUT! sales assistants cannot be trusted, since all they want from you is your money, especially if they work on commission.

i looked at myself in the mirror and thought, "hey, i do look pretty!" but THEN i realized IT WAS A SKINNY MIRROR!!!!! you know, one of those things that make you look skinny?

deception is a terrible thing, truly. anyway the dress costs 300 bucks.

therefore.... i am in abit of a situation right now. :)

WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO DO????

seriously, that's a question. :)

2008-10-25T03:11:00.001+11:00

No matter what, the truth remains

Love is the strongest weapon I have.

Grace is the most powerful force in the world.

The Cross has overcome everything.

and Jesus is on my side.

2008-10-21T10:32:00.000+11:00

just because i love you so much. or something. =) HAHAHA .<3

2008-10-20T00:30:00.002+11:00

if no one else will go, i will.

if no one else will step up, here i am, Lord, use me.

i'm right here.

use me to bring forth change.

use me to bring restoration to those whom this world has shattered.

use me to bring healing to the broken-hearted, the spirit-starved, the weary, burdened, lost.

Lord, starve me of myself, until i die

and until all that's left of me is.. You.

if Your church isn't going to where it should

if missions have become just one-a-year or once-a-month thing, devoid of love & sincerity

if the affluence You've blessed us with doesn't go out of the 4 walls of the building

then keep my tongue from words of condemnation

and keep my heart from bitterness and judgment

And simply... Use me.

see my hands? take them, do through them what You will, they're Yours.

see my feet? take them, lead me to where You will, they're Yours.

see my lips? take them, speak through them what You will, they're Yours.

You see every inch of me. now, take it all.

I'm Yours.

for real, now.

2008-10-19T12:21:00.008+11:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DARLING FREAK !!!

I LOVE YOU (x INFINITYYY)

though you piss me off sometimes.

alot of the times. ah, well. i piss you off, too. so. =)

Proverbs 17:17

A friend loves at all times, and a (sister) is born for adversity.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

2008-10-15T20:01:00.001+11:00

random pics. they're on facebook anyway. just adding afew here to picture-ize the blog abit.

went shopping. bought myself a ring =)

friend's sweet 16... i didn't get a sweet 16.

i'm gonna do a sexy 17 when i go home. EVERYONE'S INVITED! =)

we'll figure out the dress code and all that later. hmm but it'll be something cool like.. "cartoons" or "dress to scare!" or "black & white" or "pink & green" or something.

I DID THIS. IN LIKE A HALF HOUR, UNDER STRESS. how awesome am I???

okay for my sexy 17 par-tay, i'm NOT gonna do my own decorations like at my freaking farewell okay so those of you who call yourselves my friends... please step up. =D

pretty asian chickies =) i think we look HOTTT. bhb heheheh.

me & birthday girl! =D

sleepover after =)

another friend's 21st. hmm at MY 21st, i am gonna drink lots of cocktails! =D and wear seriously high heels and maybe by then Daddy would've stopped making me WAIT and i'd have an awesome boyfriend. then we'd go on one of those horse carriage rides! =D okay anyway.

random facts:

- i have a facial mask on and look like a ghost. like, King Hamlet, or something.

- very very thankful for awesome friends even though they're not around most of the time =(

oh welll.

- am a hippopotamus. or a giant fat rhino or something. =( =( =(

- miss retards in singapore very very much! =D

whatever i should stop stalling and get to work. have tons to do. =D

2008-10-15T03:44:00.004+11:00

skyping elizabeth again...

a couple of riddles from my psych tute:

me: "what holds water, yet is full of holes?"

eliz: "huh. i dont know... *sudden epiphany!* oh oh!! HOLES!" :D

wahahahhahaha. FUNNY! get it? it's a totally nonsensical answer! so.. it's funny! =)

alrighty, anyways.

A EF HI KLMN T V WXY

--------------------------

BCD GJ OPQ R S U

can you figure out where to put the letter Z- does it go on the top or bottom line? why? =)

2008-10-14T23:51:00.003+11:00

from casting crowns...

be careful, little eyes, what you see

it's the second glance that ties your hands

as darkness pulls the strings

be careful, little feet, where you go

for it's the little feet behind you

that are sure to follow

be careful, little ears, what you hear

when flattery leads to compromise

the end is always near

be careful, little lips, what you say

for empty words and promises

lead broken heart to stray

it's a slow fade, when you give yourself away

it's a slow fade, when black and white are turned to grey

and darks invade

choices are made

a price will be paid

when you give yourself away

people never crumble in a day...

2008-10-14T21:52:00.002+11:00

imagine, what kind of nightmare would it be if you were married to someone and one day, you woke up and realized you didn't know that person anymore?

how scary would that be?

how scary is this?

2008-10-14T16:38:00.000+11:00

riddle that drove me mad...

FECpoxTION.

what does this mean? =)

2008-10-09T23:15:00.005+11:00

THIS IS ME! =D

*ooh look at my sexayy lips*

*i am devastated boohoohoo*

*i am pissed off... rarrr!!!*

*i am acting sweet. omg call the modelling agency...*

the point of all that, was to show you guys.. my awesome-beyond-awesome HAIR. =)

super DUPER awesomeee! =) heeheehee.

*awwwwww* look, how cute. what a cutie pie. i'll bet that girl grows up to be really pretty.

okay this effective fulfills my quota for narcissism for the decade <3

2008-10-08T23:20:00.003+11:00

skyping elizabethh...

she just took her eeyore soft toy and rubbed its butt, up and down against her webcam, saying

"see i am showing you his ass.. his ass.. his asss...."

"i don't wanna grow up, i'm a Toys R Us kid..."

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

OMG FREAKING FUNNY CAN'T STOP LAUGHING.

2008-10-07T19:59:00.003+11:00

pics from camp... =) it was really great, but not in the way i'm used to, i guess. can't wait for youth camp! 14th dec, that's... like, 70 days away. awesome. =D

our bunks =) toilets were absolute crap, but hey i survived sydney, i can do anything.

the campsite was right next to the beach! AND!!!!! the guys dragged one another into the icy cold water. which means, i saw ________ shirtless! kill me, i died. =D

this is one of the guys from out cellgroup. we buried him. =D

this pic, i put up cos the girl's so pretty and she's only 14. wth.

VANESSA COMES TO MELBOURNE!!! YAY!!!!

it was so comfortable just girl-talking with her nonstop, because it's like she's a little piece of home. *awwww* so anyway! i have officially been updated with all the churchie stuff. muahahaha =D

dinner! at a RESTAURANT. =D teehee.

okay you know how SIA forces their stewardesses to wear hideous lipstick? =)

we put it on, just for the heck of it... omg i look freaking chio can?! HA HA HA.

alcohol and junk food! =D nah it's just green tea. i am mildly high as i type this hahahaha

VANESSA YOU ARE SOOO PRETTY. honestly with no sarcasm. chio. =D

2008-10-02T01:53:00.002+10:00

received an email:

'Many years ago , when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness.. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, 'Yes I'll do it if it will save her.' As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, 'Will I start to die right away'.

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her but he had chosen to save her anyway.'

how sweeeet is that?!

2008-09-23T00:17:00.003+10:00

DEAR BLUE-EYED-CHIMPANZEE...

i am watching ep after ep of Grey's Anatomy (season 4), and i have come to realize something truly astounding! :)

YOU are CRISTINA.

Cristina is emotionally impaired, sarcastic, and seemingly cold but is actually seriously funny and adorable. oh and she is brilliant.

I am MEREDITH.

Meredith is the pretty one. *cackle* she's like a little girl who just wants to be loved, and she's got "issues", yet is super lovable, too. ALSO, Meredith gets Derek!

DEREK.

Derek is just... sexy and dreamy, and brilliant (neurosurgery, anyone?) and has awesome hair. He adores Meredith. <3>

MARK.

This guy's picture, I just put up for kicks. McSteamy, hooooo boy. he's steamy, all right.

2008-09-21T01:43:00.005+10:00

post of randomness that has got no point. =)

potato wedges with sour cream & cheese & bacon from Pancake Parlour

they had a funny mirror that makes you look like a dwarf :D hehehe cute eh?

really realllllly gorgeous sunset. camera's not that great, so it isnt very clear but the sky was, like, rainbowy! =) sooo pretty. =) i miss my husband.

daryl's surprise birthday thing: a shot with the girls. he had to wear a pink elmo shirt. :D

dinner--- scallopini fungi! =) it's veal. shiok. :D

okay thats all. sorry mummy for spending so much money!!!! =(

but this is gonna be such a great term break =D whoohoooohoooooo!!!!

also, facebook is addictive. i was fiddling around with it and suddenly i'd logged in 4 times in a day. or something. in any case! i am now friends with rudy. heheheh. :D

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_gHga-c0siQU/SNKD32EXdSI/AAAAAAAAAtY/I5bZ3-8onts/s1600-h/PICS+FROM+MY+PHONE+404.jpg

2008-09-19T02:37:00.002+10:00

this is Elizabeth.

Elizabeth is awesome.

but that's only because i have helped her become awesome. :)

ergo, i am awesomer. :)

2008-09-16T15:19:00.005+10:00

小学生造句

题目: 天才

小朋友写: 我３天才洗一次澡。

老师评语: 要每天洗才干净 ~~

2008-09-15T01:53:00.004+10:00

POP THE CORK, BABY, WE ARE CELEBRATING THE COMPLETION OF MY LIT ESSAY - ALTHOUGH IT IS GARBAGE THAT DOES NOT DESERVE TO SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY.

NEVERTHELESS!

I TASTE FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God, i need sleep.

2008-09-14T21:08:00.007+10:00

still working on lit. =) i'm up to 1100 words!!! yayyy i am a genius.

brain houston spoke in church today! he totally flew over from sydney in the afternoon just to preach here, because, of course, shakers is just so awesome. =D heheheh.

i really like him. i think he's so funny and humble for a guy of his position, seriously.

plus his son is so... *sighhhh*. (JOEL HOUSTON. I'M TALKING ABOUT JOEL HOUSTON.)

ANYWAYS! i like rudy too, now! =D

i think he and joel are kinda alike-ish, cos they both lead worship (hoooo boy) and they can both preach really well and they are both scruffy and... okok hormones.

PLUS, rudy's in shakers, which is in melbourne. so, it's that much more likely that anything would happen. liiiiiike... i could, like, marry him. HA HA HA .

so anyways this is rudy, and i think he looks like a monkey in this picture, so cute heheheh. it was taken in june, during BW. =)

alrighty, lit calls to me...

2008-09-14T18:47:00.001+10:00

gorgeous new song we sang in church... love it, love it to bits.

more than a nice melody

more than the sweetest of words

this is the love i have found

and in this love i am found

i just want You, Jesus

i just want You, my Lord

i just want You, Jesus

i just want You

never could i comprehend

the love You so freely give

and never could i be worthy

but Your love covers all of my sins

i just want You, Jesus

i just want You, my Lord

i just want You, Jesus

i just want You

there is no greater love than Yours

nothing could ever compare

and even if i searched all the world

i would never find a love like Yours

so i just want You, Jesus

i just want You, my Lord

i just want You, Jesus

i just want You

2008-09-12T14:49:00.003+10:00

we had to go to some art gallery for HOI tute this week. :D

ooooooooooh lala. hey, it's art, alright?! :D

KICKASS CONVERTIBLE.

me, in the kickass convertible.

the car is so pretty and WHITE, i love it! i love it! i love love love love love it!

it belongs to one of my friends in my HOI tute, and he was giving me a lift back and cruising around on a beautiful spring day with the top of the car down...

A W E S O M E N E S S S S S S S S ! ! ! ! ! !

i want a convertible, too. =) sighhhh. someday. *dreamy grin*

2008-09-10T19:08:00.003+10:00

are you here with me tonight

as i lie awake in bed?

i think about how i have failed you today

and what a difference this has made.

when you promised you would never leave

to which situations did that apply?

for it's difficult to internalize you'd still want me

for today, i know i've made you cry.

i look out to the night sky

and see the clouds spread out in sheets

my thoughts immediately fly to you

how you swept me off my feet.

are you paying attention at all to me

as i write here in the dark?

please don't scoff and turn away

seeing numbness claim my heart.

tonight i cling to the hope

that nothing is as it seems

that there will be a way out from all this pain

God, please infiltrate my dreams.

2008-09-09T21:21:00.000+10:00

GORGEOUS wooden merry-go-round that dawn made for me!!! heeheehee.

now i have one more present to collect when i go back. :D

this, my jigsaw, and... JDJ-day present! muahahahahahaha

thank youuuu babe! love you! love love love! <333

2008-09-07T23:16:00.002+10:00

Lord, please forgive me

forgive me for mocking Your child

for saying "use me!", then turning my back on those in need of help

forgive me for pushing down Your holy Spirit and letting my nature bubble up instead.

Lord, forgive me for scorning

forgive me for judging

i know it isn't my place, or my right.

Lord, show me how to love like You do

open my eyes to see things in the spiritual realm

help me see through Your eyes

and prepare my mind for action.

forgive me for forgetting.

forgive me for ignoring.

for Your is a ministry of restoration.

2008-09-05T00:05:00.003+10:00

IT'S BEEN FOUR YEARS!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RACHEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY APPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHALOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHA i used photos that were taken in 2004, the year of our... death/birth.

heehee we all looked so toot. :D

i remember being at east coast, walking into the water.

i remember my sunflower and chasing dry people, trying to hug them.

hahaha! trying to get daniel yan down! :D

hasn't Daddy been really really awesome these past 4 years?

all the stuff He's brought us through, as a group, but more importantly as individuals.

Jesus is so beautiful.

and so are you, each one, precious and soooo darling to me. and to Him!

happy baptism day, sweethearts. love you, so so much.

2008-09-04T00:25:00.006+10:00

i am awesomeness personified. =D

when i go back we're gonna hang out till the world's end!

muahahahahaha

go play guitar and sing at the war memorial again

have dinner at NYNY and eat tons of fairy floss

dress up and go to the garden terrace atop esplanade

go see midnight movies then go to your place to stay over :D

screw with people's minds... *cackle*

SLEEPOVERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ice-cream-making machines.. hehehe

go to chomps for supper :D

write pretty songs and record them

BOTANIC GARDENS! PICNIC ! ! ! ! ! !

take tons of pictures

Covenant Day.

awesomeeeeeeee i can't wait <3<3<3

2008-09-01T00:14:00.007+10:00

i am blogging so much now because i have nothing urgent to complete. =)

and thus i have nothing else to do. =)

i walked around today feeling like a girlfriend.

like, honestly, i felt like i was someone's girlfriend.

therefore, i'm thoroughly convinced that i dreamt of some guy last night.

and in my dream, he was probably my husband or boyfriend or something.

so today i felt all warm and fuzzy and loved up inside. heheheh.

although i don't really have any solid recollection of what i dreamt of. it's an instinct.

we were discussing Freud in HOI last week...

and so, while dissecting my dreams, which always seem to involve males and ladders...

we came to the conclusion that, by sick twisted freudian theories, i am constantly horny.

which cannot be true and even if it were -and it's not -- i wouldn't ever admit it. =)

and in any case, everyone is constantly horny according to Freud, that sex-crazed nut.

so anyway! this is charlotte.

today, charlotte said, "i like joey. she's like an alien."

i am an alien! =) wow, pure joy, and may blessing pour onto the australian community. -.-".

i don't know what i'm saying either.

2008-08-31T11:44:00.003+10:00

DRAT WINTER!

DRAT THE FLU BUG!

spring begins tomorrowwwwww~

yeah baby yeah baby yeah yeah yeah :D

let's get all philosophical.

sometimes in life... *violin music, yee yeeeeee yeeeeee*

you have to get through the winter of your soul...

to make it to spring...

and only then...

will the flowers and butterflies and fairies pop up.

wow, how deep am i.

food for thought. =D i never understood that phrase.

2008-08-29T13:00:00.002+10:00

how fragile is life?

everyday you're alive, live.

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember to say, 'I love you' to your loved ones, but most of all mean it.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

2008-08-28T22:50:00.003+10:00

look, see in that sin-filled world

there's a broken-hearted girl

look, see how she hurts, alone.

My son, you must go and bring her home.

come, beloved, come and see

how beautiful, whole, you are to Me

through death I conquered your enemy

darling, embrace it, and live free~

2008-08-24T21:57:00.004+10:00

pray for mike and the guglielmucci family, yah? if you know what's happened.

if you don't, then put it out of your mind. :D

church today was awesome, ps glen berteau is so funny heheheh.

ANYWAYS!

i just wanna state, for the record, how amazing it is to actually have a friendship like this, that i can feel so downright crap about. BECAUSE, if i can feel so bad about it, it means that i feel equally good about it at times right? get it? get it? get it? :D

okay. =)

Healer is still one of the most powerful, beautiful, anointed songs i've ever heard.

Jesus is still King of all, and genesis 50:20...

mike gug will become an awesome man of God. =) in Jesus' name. whoohoo~

2008-08-24T00:06:00.009+10:00

Very Mindless Post *as are its recent predecessors*

i know i'm being a bitch. =D

it is fun to be thoughtless and selfish.

AND, CONFESSION--- i've been watching gossip girl. :x

it's just so fun looking at the girls, eye candy so gorgeous and glamorous.

maybe it's cos all the characters on the show are also bitchy and self-centred.

OHH NNO.

fine in any case i'm not watching anymore. okay? okay? okay???? -.-"

random pictures!!! =D

these people are from planetshakers' youth ministry and are completely chock full of nonsense & craziness.

at mcdonalds, was so happy when i found a happy meal toy :D :D :D

heheheh. hideous creepy little thing.

i miss hillsong!!! :D

and i feel like going to Soup Spoon in Singapore and drinking the tokyo chicken Soup thing! :D

I FEEL TIRED, on the inside of me, and it's a tiredness that no amount of sleep can remedy.

Jesus!!! =) Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus Jesus i miss youuuuuu <3

and you. i miss you, too.

lalala lala lalala lala lalalala~~~

oh happy day! *oh happy dayyyyyyy*

2008-08-22T05:21:00.001+10:00

spam spam spam.

heehee.

2008-08-22T05:20:00.001+10:00

heheh i am spamming my own blog.

5.20am, haven't slept all night.

heheheh.

hoi makes people go nuts.

2008-08-22T05:19:00.003+10:00

just watched A Walk to Remember. for the firstttt time.

cried and cried.

romantic, sighhh.

hello?? what about me??? i wanna go stargazing with my guy too! -.-".

shut up joey.

ok.

2008-08-22T03:01:00.000+10:00

FINALLY DONE!!!

but its total garbage. boo.

2008-08-22T02:36:00.000+10:00

man, this essay is the PITS.

God, i hope i don't fail.

2008-08-22T02:11:00.002+10:00

i cannot actually believe how much rubbish i am typing in the stupid essay.

2008-08-22T02:03:00.002+10:00

ESSAYS.

Evil

Snakes that

Suck

Away at

You

Sickeningly.

i'm still at it. HOI, bane of my life.

oh, sweet liberation! why won't you come for me???

2008-08-21T22:25:00.001+10:00

i dont even care if i dont do well.

i just wanna get this over and done with.

no no no! i dont mean that.

i want to do well.

i want to do fantastic, mindblowing, earth shatteringly well.

*brain implodes*

2008-08-21T11:40:00.002+10:00

I MISS PLAYING SHANGHAI. >:((

shanghai marathon when i get home!!!

106 days ~